Heineken Advert – Close to You - 2001 - UK

Who'd love this?

If you were a lover of all thing’s telly in the 90’s then the celebrities in this

often forgotten but no less iconic slapstick advert was absolutely for you.

What's it all for?!

The advert itself, screened to us in 4 different ads that continued to build, in both

comedy (and singing celebrities) as Heineken encouraged viewers to purchase

their ice-cold beverage in its droves. And they mean business is this early 00's

gem.

Selling point!

The celebrities themselves were well known in circa 2001 to be of the ‘love em or

hate em’ variety…. Paul Daniels, Vanessa Feltz and Peter Stringfellow to name

just a few. The catch? They were singing. Badly. Let’s just call it a D-List karaoke

night where we have front row seats. The song? Close to you, originally by the

Carpenters and completely obliterated by an ever-growing pile of slightly

irritating celebs. This ad is a mixture of bizarre hilarity and intriguing

anticipation as more adverts appear on our telly boxes.

Finale time baby!

What are we going to get in return for buying Heineken by the bucket load?

Well, oh well, back then and even now we would not have guessed the ultimatum

that was coming. As a 17-year-old Meggy I am thinking

‘Oh my f@*king god…..LIONS!?! LIONS!!!!!!!’

Are their singing voices that awful that this was the only way!? Haha that's for you

to decide.

What to do now?

Get your ice cold green can of crisp Heineken, sit back, push those links at the side

and prepare to be entertained. Enjoy!

Jaffa Cake – ‘Total Eclipse’ – 1999 – UK

Who'd love this?

Anyone who is partial to this little orangey treat will love this advert solely for the reason of re-inacting it. 

It was short, catchy, and bloody funny for a biscuit advert back in 1999.

Let's set the scene!

It opens with a teacher, who we very quickly find out is French thanks to her

iconic lines while eating the nation’s favourite spongy cakey biscuit (the debate

on what it is c-rumbles on). We see our primary school teacher lady holding a

tube of delicious Jaffa cakes and taking one out at a time. She holds up each

one and says, ‘Full moon’ and then bites her mouth around that orangey

delight half way and states ‘Half moon’ (to a class of pretty bored, disgruntled young

primary schoolers) as she then eats the full biscuit she exclaims ‘Total Eclipse’.

Disguising her love and greed for sugar and chocolate as a teaching technique

for shapes of the moon as she whips out another one in quick succession.

CLASSIC!

Watching with fresh eyes 

What I noticed watching it today, is that also the headteacher is

staring from the corridor at this self-centred, hilarious style of teaching. To us

who lived it and loved Jaffa Cakes…there is absolutely no denying that we all

quoted this advert every single time (in her amazing accent emphasis on the

word ‘half’) we had one of these McVitie’s moons of joy. An excuse to feast on a whole box is never a bad thing. 

What to do now?

Get into your jim jams with gigantic cuppa tea and a 24 pack of Jaffa Cakes and press that button to watch this nostalgic wonder.

Meg-o-meter rating: DELICIOUSLY SELF INDULGENT